[Warning: gruesome descriptions ahead. You have been warned.]
Amongst the battle ranks of Thierry Mugler‘s otherworldly aliens and monstrous beasts, there stands at the forefront of them all a powerful, fearsome leader. She is Angel, a perfume demon whose evil knows no bounds. As she waits for the right moment to strike, she licks her lips as she relishes the blood she will soon taste, lips that are stained a Nicki Minaj neon pink. Foes who are lulled into a false sense of security by the frivolous, ditzy colour of her lipstick will know regret once they have experienced her kiss of death – a noxious, cotton candy smooch that smothers the life force of her victims upon contact.
Angel bears her fruity fangs in a menacing scowl as she prowls impatiently at the front of the battle line. When will her master send her forth to rain destruction upon her enemies? “Oh, those lovers of fleeting aquatic florals – I’ll show them alright,” she thinks, as she comforts herself with visions of the fright frozen on their faces as their blood oozes out from the deep slash marks that rend their wrecked bodies. She clenches her brown chocolate claws in quivering anticipation. She will tear them apart. She will rip them to pieces.
And ah, how will they react when she rips off her battle armour mid-flight and reveals her ultimate weapon – a grotesquely misshapen patchouli derrière that is capable of releasing poisonous fumes capable of incapacitating even the strongest of warriors who have thus far resisted her other attacks? She bellows in pride, a strange sound that marries the intense rage of a bull charging at its taunting matador de toros and the horrific gurgle of a pig whose throat has just been slit.
Angel‘s vulgar corruption is complete. She gazes at you with a soul-piercing intensity, daring you to challenge her. Clueless, you press the trigger that releases her.
Up, up, she races, and out! She is free to do as she pleases, free to wreak havoc upon the innocent. How she flies and swoops, laughing maniacally as she dives in for the assault. You. You’ve released her. You devil.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
~ The Smelly Vagabond