So… I haven’t written a long review in quite some time, but that’s about to change with this post. And guess what we’ll be having two fragrances reviewed at the same time. Now, if I had my way, I wouldn’t be writing about either of them. But my housemate, Miss B, very excitably requested that I review her perfumes, as she wanted a second opinion about them. Now Miss B seldom wears perfume, and she’s the sort who likes it sheer, floral and mildly sweet. If anything, she’s the sort of person whom you would expect to be perfumed by Dior’s J’Adore. Miss B doesn’t buy any of her perfumes; the perfumes she owns so far have been gifts from friends and family – but perhaps one day that will change, and hopefully I get to play some part in her olfactory journey. Without further ado, I present today’s contenders…
Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet might as well be called Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet Brings Back Bad Boring Bollocks for all I care. After Miss Dior became Miss Dior Original and Miss Dior Chérie became Miss Dior and Miss Dior Chérie Blooming Bouquet became Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet, and after the entire Dior line went through a gazillion package and reformulation changes, I gave up trying to pretend that I even understood what in the world they thought they were doing. Because someone who wore Miss Dior for 20 years of her life would absolutely love to buy a new bottle at the department store only to find out that it smells like, heaven forbid, strawberry caramel popcorn fruitchouli instead of the lean, mean, angular, pants-wearing chypre she was used to. Also, because someone who liked original Miss Dior Chérie now gets a pointless, transparent floral that says absolutely nothing. It’s as though the recommended age for the Miss Dior range has shifted from 60 to late 20s to 11 years of age (although I myself wear original, vintage Miss Dior parfum, heh).
So, in all objectivity and mean-spiritedness, what does Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet (henceforth MDBB) smell like? MDBB opens with, surprise, hedione! HEDIONE! HEDIONE! to lift a wan peony/rose from its sorry grave of white musk. Think pink. School-girl pink. There’s also a tinge of that soggy aquatic fruit you tend to find in such compositions. In all honesty it smells like something created for the East Asian market (a generalisation, I know, but sadly quite an honest portrayal) – its inoffensiveness offends me. The sad thing is that the peony/rose opening doesn’t even last 10 minutes on my skin before devolving into banality, and I struggle to smell much save for the white musk beyond that point. Truth be told, it smells quite like the much cheaper The Body Shop‘s Dreams Unlimited, which you can get for as little as £5, except the latter is at once more dewy and more mature than MDBB once you’ve gotten past the smack-your-face alcoholic slap initial phase.
MDBB murmurs, “Hey look, I’m soft, delicate, and very pretty.” I’m sorry, but you’re also bad, boring and bollocks. I would have called MDBB a scrubber if she hadn’t disappeared after 1o minutes. At £54 for a 50ml bottle (Boots), it’s daylight robbery. Sorry Miss B, but I’d much rather you threw this away. I’ll give you something nicer in return.
Moving on, we’ve got Pure DKNY. Fragrantica has this to say about Pure:
An interesting fact is that package of PureDKNY is also environmentally-friendly. The glass of its flacon is 100 percent recyclable; its outer carton is made of carton and paper which decompose easily. You will be able to purchase the fragrance in three sizes: 30, 50 and 100 ml EDP, along with gentle body butter.
Advertising campaign will be very wide-reaching and pricy and its cover face will be Angela Lindvall appearing on billboards and videos of the perfume. Pure DKNY was launched in 2010.
Wow, it’s environmentally-friendly. It’s got 100 percent recyclable glass, and that makes it special, because all other glass perfume bottles aren’t 100 percent recyclable. And its outer carton is made of carton and paper, unlike other boxes made of carton and paper! It also comes with three absolutely original flankers that purport to be equally environmentally-friendly and supportive of “local communities” and that will help to “fight global poverty”!
Give me a break. If that’s not the stupidest (not gonna mince any words here), most vapid, ad-copy ever, targeted at participants of beauty pageants, I don’t know what is. Because buying a designer fragrance alleviates poverty in a way that donating to actual worthy causes can’t. Right.
Well, what does Pure smell like? Despite having ripped everything about its marketing to shreds, I’ll go out on a limb and say that Pure actually smells ok. It’s actually quite a good rendering of bulgarian rose amped up to stronger proportions. Where MDBB was created to scam little princesses in pink and their parents, Pure conjures a fabulous drag queen in glamour get-up. Think Tocade, but without the cleavage. Pure avoids being slutty in the way that Tocade is by reining in the vanilla. But then the show stops half-way, and the bulgarian rose makes a little curtsey and steps out of the limelight, making for a middling floral composition centred around but not dominated by rose. And hey, it actually lasts for longer than an hour, a feat MDBB simply cannot achieve.
So, Miss B, my verdict is that you go against type and go drag with Pure DKNY. People say that fragrance is individual, and that it’s subjective, and that you should wear what you want etc. etc. But guess what, I’ve destroyed your bottle of MDBB.
Ok I was joking. But I’m in half a mind to actually throw it out the window of our house, except I don’t want to condemn a random passerby walking along the street to perfume purgatory.
~ The Smelly Vagabond