Perfume Haiku Series: Peoneve by Penhaligon’s

Peoneve by Penhaligon’s

Outside she’s pretty
A perfectly preened princess
Inside she’s empty

~ The Smelly Vagabond


Pre-Christmas Perfume Sales in London

Forget Boxing Day. Say hello to the pre-Christmas sales.

Despite returning home from my log cabin holiday just past noon, I was out of my house within less than an hour, heading towards, well, where else, Harrods, of course. After all, who needs lunch when you have Harrods? Upon arrival, I found out that I was right. The sales had begun. And so the terrible force of nature also known as Typhoon TSV began carving its path through the perfumery hall in a scented blitzkrieg. Woe betide any living creature that stood in the path of this wrecking whirlwind as it blazed a fiery trail through the aisles of Harrods. After a sharp flurry of intense force, Harrods was divested of its stock, and the typhoon changed its course, heading straight for Harvey Nichols. The crowds there were pathetically thin, a consequence of the poor sales and lack of worthy offerings. With a huff, the beast bounded onto the tube and headed for Green Park where Fortnum and Mason resided.

The beast rageth


Now, hell hath no fury like a Smelly Vagabond kept from his sales. Fortnum and Mason had not begun their sales, not one bit; absolutely nothing was discounted. Letting out a humongous roar of despair, the beast slammed the door of Fortnum behind it, eyes glittering with rage. It would devour this place come Boxing Day. Undeterred by this setback, it leapt towards Liberty, a favourite haunt that it was sure would not disappoint. But lo and behold, the forces of nature were unkind to this poor soul, and the sales had yet to begin, once again. Now resigned to its fate, the beast began to head back…

But wait! There was one last territory it had yet to conquer: Selfridges. Performing a sharp about-turn, it leapt and bound towards the store with the yellow bags, only to find that Selfridges had failed to follow in the footsteps of Harrods in starting its sales early. The beast sighed. It was true what the advertisments on the London Underground said: “There is only one sale. Harrods.” While the other department stores languished on their laurels, the Cash Man at Harrods was laughing all the way to the bank as he had completely destroyed the rest of the competition. Thoughtfully, the beast returned to its lair 3 hours after it had first started, licking its aching wounds and its achy breaky heart. There, it rested, knowing that in 3 days’ time it would be out to hunt again. It had already secured first blood at Harrods. It would soon be time for a feast, it just had to be patient…

~ The Smelly Vagabond

The Smelly Vagabond’s Adventures in Paris: Day 1

© The Smelly Vagabond

© The Smelly Vagabond

Last week, I took the plunge and went on my first ever solo holiday… and what better place to spend it than in Paris? I’ve always wondered why I’ve never been to Paris, especially since I’m a sucker for all things smelly and Paris is the perfume mecca of the world that is only a 2.5 hour train ride away from London! Suffice to say that I had the best holiday ever, and I’ve recorded some of my thoughts and observations here. They may not necessarily all be about fragrance and all things smelly, but I’ve weaved in some of my scented explorations as well. If you’re only interested in the perfume, I discuss Guerlain somewhere in the middle. So, let’s start from the very beginning…

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Britney Spears’ Perfume – a Song, not a Scent

Britney Spears Perfume

Hey look, I’m using my own perfume in my song about perfume! What a surprise!

It seems as though Ms. Britney Spears has recently released a video for her latest single titled “Perfume”. It’s clever marketing, really, because you get a couple of shots of Ms. Spears posing with a bottle of Fantasy. Essentially, though, the song revolves around Ms. Spears marking her territory on her man using her perfume, much in the same way that dogs pee on things to mark them as part of their territory. As the chorus goes:

So I, wait for you to call
And I try to act natural
have you been thinking ’bout her or about me
And while I wait I put on my perfume, yeah I want it all over you
I gotta mark my territory

I’ll never tell, tell on myself but I hope she smells my perfume
I’ll never tell, tell on myself but I hope she smells my perfume
I hide it well, hope you can’t tell but I hope she smells my perfume
I hide it well, hope you can’t tell but I hope she smells my perfume

The man she's trying to mark

The man she’s trying to mark

Ms. Spears making her move on her man, in order to rub her perfume off on him.

Ms. Spears making her move on her man, in order to rub her perfume off on him.

Well, what do you think? Would you ever wear perfume so you can mark your territory on your other half? Honestly, though, I think Ms. Spears’ plan would absolutely work because any human being coming to me smelling like Britney Spears’ Fantasy would send me running a thousand miles in the opposite direction… until I bump into One Direction and Our Moment. My insides are crumbling away at this very moment with a bout of uncontrollable laughter.

~ The Smelly Vagabond

A Perfume for Stress?

Lots of practical advice here, but it has left out an important component to relieving stress: wearing perfume!

I’ve been rather stressed recently due to a myriad of factors, not least having multiple assignments due very soon. While blogging about perfume is one of my favourite ways of relieving stress, I’m not sure if I have the time and bandwidth to blog in the coming month of so, especially full-length reviews or write-ups of events and meet-ups. I’m terribly sorry about it, but unfortunately I suppose all of this is part of having various commitments.

In the meantime, I’d like to ask my dear readers if you have any suggestions for perfumes that would help to relieve stress? I’d appreciate also if you could explain why you think it will help, or else share an anecdote relating how a certain perfume helped you to remain calm and relaxed in the face of a stressful situation? At the moment, I can imagine how wearing a meditative fragrance centred around incense, such as Comme des Garçons’ Incense Avignon might help to soothe my frayed nerves.

Thank you so very much in advance!

~ The Smelly Vagabond